Damned From The Start
by SilverxXxWings
Summary: They were the perfect couple; and yet, never meant to last. Promises were broken and choices had to be made. In the end, does she love him enough to let him go? Or will she lose her nerve and hold on to the only man she's ever loved? -- One-shot, ExB


_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
__Where we take this road  
__Someone's got to go  
__And I want you to know  
__You couldn't have loved me better  
__But I want you to move on  
__So I'm already gone_

We'd been together for years.

The envy of every other couple in our small town. So in love, so perfect for each other. Two halves of one whole being.

It had started out as an innocent crush during our freshman year and blossomed into something bigger from there. By tenth grade we were dating and falling for each other a little more each day. I loved Edward, anyone with eyes could see that. And he loved me too. It didn't always seem that way, but deep down I knew that he cared about me.

So perfect for each other and yet doomed from the start.

_Remember all the things we wanted?  
__Now all our memories they're haunted  
__We were always meant to say goodbye_

It was great in the beginning. I was happy and so was he. We were inseparable, always spending time together before school, during class, and after school. I even remember his sister Alice commenting on how disgustingly cutesy we were one day.

So how did it fall apart? How did something that felt so right, become so wrong?

I guess it started toward the end of our junior year. Edward had always been a quiet guy, but it had seemed like once he and I got together that he started coming out of his shell. Then something changed. He was pulling away from me. It was like I wasn't as special or important to him as I used to be. I was just there; a part of everyday life like the walls of his room or a piece of furniture. He'd forget to call, cancel dates, some days we wouldn't even talk to each other.

True, we still had our moments. Little touches and kisses that reminded me of what our relationship had been like in the beginning, but it wasn't the same. And it never would be.

I couldn't keep pretending like the things he did didn't bother me. He wasn't trying to intentionally hurt me, I understood that. Half the time he didn't even know what he did. I'd been through hell and back for him again and again, and he didn't even know it. Eventually though, he did catch on. I'd cry over some small comment he made and then he'd feel terrible about upsetting me. It wasn't a good environment for either of us. We'd both shed more tears than any "happy couple" should.

_Started with a perfect kiss  
__Then we could feel the poison set in  
__Perfect couldn't keep this love alive_

That was how I found myself in my car headed to the Cullen's house. I needed to set things right with Edward. I needed to be the brave one. To do what was meant to happen from the start.

I loved him. I always had and always would; there wasn't a doubt in my mind. But, some things just can't work. Some people just can't be together forever. It broke my heart to admit but, Edward and I were two of those people. We'd always envisioned a future together, but there are some wounds that you can't heal. We'd been a broken couple for a long time and there was no going back now.

It was raining when I pulled up to the house. A fitting scene for what I was about to do. I turned the key and the engine of my truck rumbled to a halt. I set my head against the steering wheel, taking in deep breaths, trying not to chicken out. It was what was best for both of us; the only solution in which we could both be happy.

I opened the car door and held my coat tight around myself. The rain pounded against my face and skin. Despite my best efforts, I was drenched by the time I reached the porch and knocked on the door.

_I didn't want us to burn out  
__I didn't come here to hurt you  
__And now I can't stop _

Edward's mother, Esme, answered the door a moment later.

"Bella, dear!" She gasped when she saw me wet and shivering. "Come inside, Sweetheart."

I smiled and followed her inside. Esme was one of the people I would miss most. She was more of a mother to me than my own had been. I lived alone with my father in Forks, so seeing my mom wasn't exactly something I could do, but Esme had always been there for me.

I almost lost my nerve when I thought of how much my decision would crush her.

"Thanks, Esme. Um, is Edward around?" I asked, timidly.

"Yes, he's up in his room. You can head up if you'd like," she answered with a smile.

"Thanks," I said, making my own feeble attempt at a grin. I shrugged off my coat and hung it up before heading toward the stairs. Edward's room was on the third floor of the house. I took my time up the stairs, trying to prolong the inevitable as much as I possibly could.

I stopped for a moment when I noticed a picture of the two of us out of the corner of my eye. Edward had told me a long time ago that Esme reserved the stairwell for family pictures only. And yet there among Edward's baby pictures and photos of family outings was a shot of him and me smiling brightly.

It had been taken during the Cullen family vacation to their cabin in Vermont one year ago. I was wearing Edward's sweatshirt and he had his arms wrapped firmly around me, nuzzling my neck. We were both beaming in the picture and even a stranger could probably feel the love radiate from the shot.

I gulped and continued on my way up the stairs. I had to do this, it was right. We needed freedom, we needed to start fresh and move on. We needed to heal.

When I reached his bedroom door, I took one last deep breath before knocking and jumping into what was likely to be the hardest moment of my life.

I heard feet shuffle across his hardwood floor and a moment later the door opened. His eyes lit up when he saw me.

_Looking at you makes it harder  
__But I know that you'll find another  
__That doesn't always make you want to cry_

"Bella," he breathed. He moved forward and took me into his arms. I wrapped my own small arms around him and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that I would never experience again. He pulled back slightly and kissed me, smiling as he pulled away.

I had to fight to keep the tears from spilling. I kept telling myself that this was for the best, but what if I was wrong? What if I was about to ruin the single best thing to ever happen to me.

"Hi," I said feebly. He chuckled, assuming that I was simply breathless from the kiss as I usually was.

"Why don't you come sit down with me, love?" He suggested, pulling me into the room and shutting the door. We walked over to the black, leather couch at the far end of his room and sat down. He pulled me close to him and I laid my head on his chest, letting him run his fingers through my hair. After a few minutes, he paused and lifted my face to meet his in a perfect, fairytale-like kiss.

I shouldn't have let him kiss me; I should have pulled away. But if these were my final moments of bliss, then I was going to throw caution to the wind and be greedy enough to enjoy them. This would be my final memory of _us _and I wanted it to be a good one.

When he finally pulled away I took a moment to clear my head and then tried to say what was on my mind.

"Edward, can we talk for a second?"

"Of course, love. What is it?"

"Well... um, I've been... t-thinking a-a-and..." I couldn't do it. I felt the tears spill hot and fresh from my eyes. It wasn't long before they were rolling down my face in groups, and my breath began to hitch in my throat.

"Bella! Bella, what's wrong!? Please, don't cry!" Edward begged, as my sobs grew louder. He pulled me tight to his chest, unknowingly making things worse. I took in deep breaths, while Edward rubbed slow, calming circles on my back. I composed myself and decided that I had better get things over with before they got worse.

"Edward... I don't know how to say this." I admitted.

"Bella, you can tell me anything. You know that." He reminded me.

It was moments like this that made it hard to let go. Moments where he acted like the loving man I knew he could be. But it was time for me to stop accepting his Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde attitude. I couldn't let go of every bad thing he'd done, simply because there were good moments here and there. I had to be strong enough for both of us and admit that there was no place left for us to go.

_You know that I love you so  
__I love you enough to let you go_

"Edward... I love you –"

"I love you too, Bella."

"Please let m finish. I love you, Edward... but... but I don't think we should see each other anymore."

There was a moment of silence that seemed to last a lifetime. He didn't say anything, but he didn't really need to. I felt his body go rigid next to mine, saw the color drain from his face and the light fade from his eyes. He didn't say a word... just stared straight ahead.

After what seemed like years of waiting he finally spoke.

"What do you mean?"

"Edward... you and I both know that things haven't been right between us for a long time. Things have been strained and it's not health for either of us. I think that... I think that we need to leave each other alone for a while. Spend some time apart to think things through."

"So, you're saying we should break up?" He asked, his voice hard.

I shivered a little at his cold tone, but nodded my head surely.

"Yes, Edward. That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Bella, I love you." He said the words so sincerely that I felt myself beginning to choke up again.

"I know that, Edward. And I love you too. I love you enough to let you go," I told him as a single tear slid down my face.

"I can change, Bella. We can get back what we used to have, I can make it right."

"Edward, I don't want you to change. You're an amazing person, Edward... it's just, maybe we aren't as good together as we originally thought. I'm not saying it's over for good... but it's over for now."

"Please, Bella! Please, don't do this," he pleaded, all traces of his rigid tone from earlier gone.

He was begging.

The strong, passionate, confident man I had fallen in love with was being replaced by a little boy who was so scared to let go that he was begging me to stay.

I had done that to him. I had made him resort to groveling... I had broken him down. When I saw his own tears begin to fall I couldn't take anymore. I turned away from him and headed toward the door.

I was almost there when I felt a hand grab my wrist and spin me around.

"Wait!" He shouted.

The next thing I knew he was pressing his lips firmly against mine; our mouths moving together as if they were one. There was so much passion, so much love in that kiss that I thought I would burst.

When he pulled away, I could see his eyes frantically searching mine for something, anything to indicate that I had changed my mind.

"Edward, I think I should go."

"Bella! You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything a second ago. You can't honestly walk away and tell me that that kiss meant nothing to you, damn it!" He shouted.

"Edward, stop it! Of course it meant something to me! It meant everything to me! I've already told you that I still love you. But look at us, Edward! This isn't what a relationship is supposed to be!" I said, wrenching my arm from his grip.

"So we're a little unconventional! Nobody's perfect, Bella!"

"Unconventional? Damn it, Edward! We're downright dysfunctional! I can't do this anymore and I know that if you think about it, deep down you know how wrong this is. I'm sorry! I really, truly am. But I have to be the strong one, I have to walk away before we make this any worse than we already have."

"Bella, I'm begging you. Just give me one more chance." He said.

I looked into his eyes and I saw how much pain he was in. This had taken him to his breaking point and beyond. He really was convinced that he couldn't live without me. He truly did love me as much as he said he did.

"Edward, please don't make this harder than it has to be."

"I'm not trying to make it hard, but I can't just let you walk out of here without a fight. I can't lose you like that. I won't let you just walk away."

I walked over to him and took his hand; forcing him to look into my eyes.

"Edward, you can't make something feel right when you know it's wrong. I know that if you just take the time to think about it, you know that we need space. We need breathing room. I'm not saying goodbye forever. If we're meant to be then we'll find a way."

He ducked his head and took in a few deep, heaving breaths before returning his gaze to mine.

"There's nothing I can do to make you stay?"

"No, Edward. I'm sorry."

"Then I guess I have no choice but to believe you. I guess I'll have to let you go." He said, sounding more defeated than I had ever heard. I squeezed his hand and give him a weak smile.

"So I guess this is goodbye?" I asked.

"I guess so."

"Well then, goodbye. But only for now, maybe there is a right time for us, Edward. We'll just have to wait and see."

I kissed his cheek and then released his hand. I took one more deep breath and turned around, leaving his room and shutting the door behind me.

I was hurting inside more than I had let on. Edward wasn't the only one who was broken down by my choice. I would miss him more than words could express; and deep in my heart I truly wished that we could both do enough growing up to be together again someday.

I headed back out to my truck and put the key in the ignition. Then I started the truck and pulled out.

I took the long way home, giving myself time to think. The rain was letting up, but my own tears had yet to stop. I glanced at the dashboard and saw a picture of Edward and I smiling back at me. I chuckled bitterly and picked it up, smiling back at the happy faces that looked up at me. Then, picture in hand, I reached out the window and let it go as I raced along the road.

Then, I watched in the rear view as the last piece of Edward and me flew away.

_You can't make it feel right  
__When you know that it's wrong  
__I'm already gone, already gone  
__There's no moving on  
__So I'm already gone_

* * *

**Based off the song "Already Gone" by Kelly Clarkson. I highly reccomend that you listen to it. It's beautiful and sad all at the same time. **

**This is kind of personal in a way and I wrote it as a way of saying goodbye to some parts of my past I'd been holding on to. I dedicate it to Megareader25, one of my real life best friends who did more than anyone to help me through the real life situation linked to this one-shot. Lastly; if you have a negative comment about them not ending up together, keep it to yourself. Even the most perfect couples can fall apart at times. Like Bella said; it's not goodbye forever. **

**Until next time! **


End file.
